but i don't wanna put it all away

i'm having a hard time wanting to put away all the christmas stuff. that may or may not be because i am being lazy. grant has been sick this week, lots of throwing up and yuckyness. then trudy got sick. she has actually had a cold for a week or so but the last two days have just been so miserable for her. last night she had a fever and i could barely handle it. i have never felt so helpless. i am very excited for it to go away.

i've kept my thoughts and feelings to a very minimum on this blog. i have many reasons behind that but i think it's mostly because of things that were said about me on another blog. reading what was said unfortunately added to my deep deep insecurity of feeling like all people hate me. i'm feeling uncomfortable being this revealing about my thoughts but something is making my fingers keep going. i don't say that to search for comments like "what? nobody hates you", it just really is something that i can convince myself of about pretty much everyone. and since i consider myself to be pretty introspective, i feel frustrated that i don't know why or where that insecurity came from. when i think about some difficult things that i have been through the last few years and then this "everybody hates me... i'm just gonna go eat worms" complex i have, it puts me in a sad place. i don't feel too ashamed about admitting that because i feel like it's very human and mostly people do the same thing with their own insecurities. i have found myself thinking way too much about what people will think of this or that. i don't have a big warm and fuzzy solution to all this. in fact i don't even know why i'm typing it. prayer helps though. prayer helps with everything.

i can't leave the house because of trudy and so i've been watching 3 shows every day. the nate show (which i usually try and watch every day anyway), anderson cooper and dr. oz. here are some random things that have bugged me this week... yesterday on anderson cooper he had on the man behind "thedirty.com". i had never heard of this website before but it's basically a place where you can go post crap about anyone. it's so stupid. nik, the creator, spent the whole episode trying to explain to anderson (and the entire audience) how he is god's gift because when people are exploited like they are on his site... they end up becoming better people. i really couldn't believe what i was watching. you'd think the concept of the site is ridiculous enough but to make it even more lame... if someone writes crap about you and you want it removed, you then have to pay a monthly fee of 12.99 AND that doesn't even guarantee removal of your posts! all it does is put you at the top of his priority list so he can review what has been said and then decide himself if you are really what other people say you are. what a freaking tool. you can watch clips from the episode here.

i love watching dr.oz. i always have. i find his passion for health and explaining things to be very refreshing. i always love when people are passionate about something. however it's annoying to me the way he goes about drawing people in to watch his show. whether it's him or the way they advertise for it, it's stupid. it seems like the main goal is instilling fear in america. i can hear the announcer guy in my head right now "don't miss the HUGE bad habit YOU are DOING RIGHT NOW that may kill you tomorrow!" i mean really? like i said, i think dr. oz is great and i don't need titles like "how you are giving yourself cancer"to make me want to watch it. there are things that we need to know but putting fear in me just makes me feel stressed out and uncomfortable. like i'm not buying all the vitamins we need and the coke i am currently addicted to is going to kill me. so anywayyyyyyyyyyyyy onto happier things.

we made this little banner from this tutorial. i wish i would have done mine bigger
like hers but then sometimes i like the size of ours.

i found rifle paper's holiday card collection at anthropologie on sale and snatched it right up. who doesn't love rifle paper co? i'm really looking forward to framing them and putting them up next year. i found the tin at a thrift shop and loved it. it reminds me of the cards.

i got this a few years ago at a flea market. it's our advent calendar.
it's really fun to turn to the next day. i hope our kids love it!

and here is a little anthro inspired diy snow globe project.
 i'm sure you can find a tutorial just about anywhere online. kinda fun.

and finally trudy's first ornament. it's rudolph from the classic rudolph 

that plays on tv every year. it reminds me of my childhood. and it's way cuter in real life.

bye bye christmas!

linked up here.

our christmas break

this year we spent christmas in utah. it was nice being able to spend a few days before christmas and christmas with grant's dad and step family and then spend some time with my family after that. on our way to utah we split up the 10 hr trip with matt & jessica (family that stayed with us back in october). one morning while i was in the shower grant and jessica took some beautiful pictures of trudy and her two boys kaden and beckham. they had just turned on baby einstein and were completely glued to it. we were able to stay with them again on our way back and loved every minute. we've never split up the trip before and now i want to do it this way every time!  

because we had our trudy baby with us this year, christmas could not come fast enough. even though i knew she would mostly be into wrapping paper and bows... i could not wait for christmas morning! i am so excited to be santa. i think i saved everything possible that i bought starting back in november. it isn't fun to travel with lots of christmas presents but surprisingly they held up nicely. grant and i tried to be creative with our wrapping for each other. grant did the one below with three bows. after opening presents trudy just laid around with daddy. she was so chill and i had to steal a couple of pictures. that night we were able to skype with my brother who is on an lds mission in peru. it was so fun to show him trudy girl for the first time. after christmas we went to visit bff jess and her new baby fran. while we were there we took some pictures, i was holding little franny and jess had trudy. fran started to cry (she was getting kinda hungry) and all the sudden trudy plopped her hand on her head as to calm her down. it was the cutest thing ever, clearly she will be a good friend...  already trying to take care of her best friend!!overall it was a great trip. this was the first time we drove home feeling like we finally got in some good time with our families. we are happy to be home, especially with new toys for trudy... she is at a stage where she can almost crawl but not quite yet and wants to move around everywhere. i'm afraid it's going to take me a year to unpack and then take our christmas decorations down. i hope everyone had a great holiday. we received some of the cutest christmas cards from friends that i want to keep on the fridge forever. it just seems more fun to get christmas cards from friends and family when you live away from everyone. i totally forgot that we could do a christmas card this year since we have a baby now. hopefully we will do something fun next year.

merry christmas from trudy girl

isotopes on the fourth

we went to an isotopes game on the fourth of july with our friends. afterwards there were lots and lots of pretty fireworks, but grant and i weren't enjoying them like usual because we were busy plugging trudy's ears and making sure she wouldn't go deaf. she did so good and we had lots of fun. i love baseball games. it was the perfect place to spend the fourth of july. minus the smokers.

grandma's annual easter egg hunt

gosh we are behind on posts. one month left til the due date and i should probably be posting something every day until then. lots to catch up on. easter weekend we spent in utah. i had two baby showers for family and friends and it was so fun to see everyone. i wish we could have stayed longer. we happened to be there for my grandma's annual easter egg hunt and i was SO happy about that. in the past, grant has always had something else on that day so this was his first time going. cousins or uncles have borrowed grant's costume in past years so this year grant was finally able to be the easter bunny himself!

the kids were hilarious. some of them loved him.... others weren't so sure. and i don't really blame them. his face creeps me out too. our favorite lines from the kids were "MOM, did you know that the easter bunny is actually a HUMAN! I saw his neck!!!", "uuuuuummmmm easter bunny? but i didn't know you talked?!?".

my perfect valentines day

grant has an amazing brain. he remembers anything and everything. almost every sunday in church, he pulls out his yellow notepad and starts writing. and i always smile because i know what he is doing. for any of you poetry lovers out there, you are most definitely familiar with The Raven by edgar allan poe. if you aren't familiar with it, go ahead and start reading it. because i'm betting you might get sick of it before you are even half way done. it is about 8 pages long and ya, grant has the entire thing memorized. it's quite the accomplishment and i like to tell people about it. not only is he amazing at memorizing but he writes the most beautiful poems. there are a few from his mission that bring tears to my eyes every time i read them. his love for words has completely had an influence on me and i love noticing things that i would have never noticed before.

for valentines he wrote me poem. something that i have secretly wanted for years. i learned of his love for poetry before we were even dating and still remember thinking about how much i would love a poem written by him for me. because of the way he can portray his deep emotions through words, i'm not afraid to admit that i wanted to see how his feelings for me would come out on paper. so here goes another one of those mushy posts. and because this is my happy blog, i can post whatever i want. even dr. suess agrees with me. "be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind".

“Us”

By Grant Barnes

Once upon a time, “I” turned into “us”

And life has been changed forever,

“I” life was great before “us” came along,

But with “us”, life couldn’t be better.

“Us” makes us warm on a cold winter’s night,

And gives us a shoulder to cry on.

“Us” is required to banish “alone”

And “us” we can always rely on.

When going along the pitfalls of life,

“Us” helps keep us out of trouble.

“I” can get by with one set of eyes,

But with “us” our vision is doubled.

“I” without “us” would be a mistake,

Life would be an utter disaster.

“I’s” like a speedboat without a rudder,

Going who-knows-where faster and faster.

“There’s safety in numbers”, Man’s been heard to say,

And nothing’s ever been truer.

There’s also a joy that comes standard with “us”

That without, “I” would never be bluer.

“Us” has the power to generate life,

whether its two lives becoming a new one,

 Or could be two “I’s” who’ve turned into “us”

Giving birth to a daughter or son.

When it comes to things that have gone well in life,

Britt you’re the ultimate plus.

I pray everyday and give thanks up above,

Because, I can’t live life without us.


© Grant Barnes 2011 - All Rights Reserved

"this cold has got to be killing animals out there"

so last summer, i found a bunch of old old old valentine cards at a yard sale. besides the fact that they are super cute, some of them are signed and have little written notes on the back! i especially like seeing the names, there is one that says "to: momma love: art". anyway they are all so sweet and simple and make me happy. i love february and valentines day. just wishing it was a bit warmer outside... i've been listening to this over and over today because i love her so much and this was the same performance that jess and i saw. still gives me chills. 

i love america!

so while i was at home i was able to spend the 4th (celebrated the 5th) with my family. we had recently taken my brother mckay to efy, blake just left on his mission and spencer was working that night. so basically it was my parents, cameron (the youngest) and me! it was so weird. and had i not been there, my parents would have been celebrating with just cameron. i was very grateful though, to get so much time with little cam. he is the youngest and i am the oldest, it is important to me to make sure we have a good relationship since we are far apart in age. 

happy new year

new years eve was a fabulous night. our friends made us some yummy dinner. chloe and i looked pretty in our sparkles while the boys killed us in phase ten. when we rang in the new year... it was obvious we had been eating and drinking way too much sugar.