Wednesday, January 4, 2012

but i don't wanna put it all away

i'm having a hard time wanting to put away all the christmas stuff. that may or may not be because i am being lazy. grant has been sick this week, lots of throwing up and yuckyness. then trudy got sick. she has actually had a cold for a week or so but the last two days have just been so miserable for her. last night she had a fever and i could barely handle it. i have never felt so helpless. i am very excited for it to go away.

i've kept my thoughts and feelings to a very minimum on this blog. i have many reasons behind that but i think it's mostly because of things that were said about me on another blog. reading what was said unfortunately added to my deep deep insecurity of feeling like all people hate me. i'm feeling uncomfortable being this revealing about my thoughts but something is making my fingers keep going. i don't say that to search for comments like "what? nobody hates you", it just really is something that i can convince myself of about pretty much everyone. and since i consider myself to be pretty introspective, i feel frustrated that i don't know why or where that insecurity came from. when i think about some difficult things that i have been through the last few years and then this "everybody hates me... i'm just gonna go eat worms" complex i have, it puts me in a sad place. i don't feel too ashamed about admitting that because i feel like it's very human and mostly people do the same thing with their own insecurities. i have found myself thinking way too much about what people will think of this or that. i don't have a big warm and fuzzy solution to all this. in fact i don't even know why i'm typing it. prayer helps though. prayer helps with everything.

i can't leave the house because of trudy and so i've been watching 3 shows every day. the nate show (which i usually try and watch every day anyway), anderson cooper and dr. oz. here are some random things that have bugged me this week... yesterday on anderson cooper he had on the man behind "thedirty.com". i had never heard of this website before but it's basically a place where you can go post crap about anyone. it's so stupid. nik, the creator, spent the whole episode trying to explain to anderson (and the entire audience) how he is god's gift because when people are exploited like they are on his site... they end up becoming better people. i really couldn't believe what i was watching. you'd think the concept of the site is ridiculous enough but to make it even more lame... if someone writes crap about you and you want it removed, you then have to pay a monthly fee of 12.99 AND that doesn't even guarantee removal of your posts! all it does is put you at the top of his priority list so he can review what has been said and then decide himself if you are really what other people say you are. what a freaking tool. you can watch clips from the episode here.

i love watching dr.oz. i always have. i find his passion for health and explaining things to be very refreshing. i always love when people are passionate about something. however it's annoying to me the way he goes about drawing people in to watch his show. whether it's him or the way they advertise for it, it's stupid. it seems like the main goal is instilling fear in america. i can hear the announcer guy in my head right now "don't miss the HUGE bad habit YOU are DOING RIGHT NOW that may kill you tomorrow!" i mean really? like i said, i think dr. oz is great and i don't need titles like "how you are giving yourself cancer"to make me want to watch it. there are things that we need to know but putting fear in me just makes me feel stressed out and uncomfortable. like i'm not buying all the vitamins we need and the coke i am currently addicted to is going to kill me. so anywayyyyyyyyyyyyy onto happier things.

we made this little banner from this tutorial. i wish i would have done mine bigger
like hers but then sometimes i like the size of ours.

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i found rifle paper's holiday card collection at anthropologie on sale and snatched it right up. who doesn't love rifle paper co? i'm really looking forward to framing them and putting them up next year. i found the tin at a thrift shop and loved it. it reminds me of the cards.

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i got this a few years ago at a flea market. it's our advent calendar.
it's really fun to turn to the next day. i hope our kids love it!

and here is a little anthro inspired diy snow globe project.
 i'm sure you can find a tutorial just about anywhere online. kinda fun.

and finally trudy's first ornament. it's rudolph from the classic rudolph 
that plays on tv every year. it reminds me of my childhood. and it's way cuter in real life.

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bye bye christmas!
linked up here.

21 sweet thoughts:

Chelsea said...

Hey Brittany,

First, I really love reading your blog and think you have fantastic taste and style. Second, I think there are many of us who feel the same way you do. Thanks for being so honest about that (that's a scary thing to do on a blog!) And I'm sorry that hurtful things were written about you, I don't get why people have to tear each other down to make themselves feel better.

David and Shalynna said...

I am sorry Trudy has been sick! Poor thing.

Brittany, you are such a loving and kind person. This second paragraph makes me sad. This is YOUR blog and you can say or share whatever you well please! I vaguely remember what you are talking about and now I wish I would have commented on that particular blog and said something or stood up for you. To be honest, I think it just comes down to jealousy. I hope you know that you are wonderful and so many people are drawn to you because of your sweet personality. I mean- I have high school friends that adore you and they met you simply through your blog!

Don't keep your thoughts and feelings to a minimum unless you want to. :) I liked this post and I like when you update your blog. You're adorable.

And I love your house, decorations, etc. :)

Emily said...

Brittany,

I found your blog through your cousin stephanie (I'm pretty sure she's your cousin) - anyways, I have been reading your blog for a while now, and you seem like such a sweet, talented, beautiful person! If any mean words were said, it's honestly because they are jealous. And you don't need those types of ppl as friends anyway. :)
I hope your baby girl and hubby get better soon. I have a little boy a little younger then trudy, so I love catching up with your posts about her and seeing how similar they are developmentally.
anyhoo- I hope you start feeling happier and keep bloggin :)

Brianna and Byron Putnam said...

I found your blog through a friend and I'm hooked on reading it :) I'm what people would call a "blog stalker" heehee. I have to say, I wish we were friends! I love reading your updates and especially like looking at pics of sweet Trudy girl. Our pregnancies overlapped and I enjoyed reading about how you were doing... It gave me strength when I was feeling yucky. I've also looked into some of your archives and love your posts on women and loving our bodies so I like when you share opinions/feelings... But I understand why that can be difficult. I'm sorry your baby is sick, I'm so worried for the day my little girl gets sick. I'm sure I'll be a wreck! It looks like you had a great christmas... I love your decor.

trudy...{and jamo} said...

oh britt. remember how i totally forgot about that blog thing-uh-and i feel like the worst friend for totally forgetting something so huge. i'm sorry. ditto what everyone else said about the jealousy. seriously.
i hope trudy and grant get better asap!
i loved seeing you guys. thank you for my presents!!!!

ChloƩ said...

hey britt! i seriously can't believe someone would have anything bad to say about you. i am so so sorry that happened to you! seriously... if i find out who it is.. they are going down! i love you britt! i miss you guys so much. i know we don't talk as much as we used to but just know i love you and you will always be special to me! you guys are awesome. you can call or text me anytime if you need to talk! p.s. trudy is the cutest thing i've ever seen.

Stacy of KSW said...

wow, this was a real roller coaster of a post. I know nothing about what people said about you on another blog & I am a new reader myself , but I assure the people reading you here are doing so for quite the opposite feeling you think -- we like you! And most of us have very inadequate feeling ourselves. Isnt that a bummer of a trait for women?

I have struggled with opening up on my own blog as well and hope this year will finally be the year my voice is totally and truly my voice. It should not be so hard to be ourselves!

Love your new prints and that rudolph ornament :) Too cute!

Sophia said...

I love and apreciate your honesty. I actually like trading posts like this the most. Makes me feel less alone. Like I'm not the only one in the world who struggles sometimes. Love you britt.

Mel the Crafty Scientist said...

Oooo, Brittany, I'm loving your blog! So glad you found mine! Can you tell me where I can find your paint chip art?! I'm always looking for more ideas and inspiration!
-Mel the Crafty Scientist

Also, just in case you didn't know, you're a no-reply blogger so I couldn't email respond to your comment... you can find a tutorial to help you fix that here. You'll probably get lots more comments/replies to your comments from bloggers if you do that too! : )

Emily Wright said...

I found you through pinterest and have loved your blog since. yesterday at the library i checked out "You Are Special," by Max Lucado for my almost two year old boy and he loves it. We had to read it at least 10 times that afternoon. And it started again this morning. We've already read it about 4 times. He points at Eli and calls him Jesus. Let the dots and stars fall off. You are you and you have to love that.

emily+brett said...

Well it's difficult not to comment. You are one of those over acheivers (which is a compliment) and every little detail is just perfect. I happen to not be one of those people but wish I was. I often find myself thinking I wish I was like her (then i read "live your life" haha). You're one of those people that seems to live the perfect life. Not because I think you're that type of blogger or person that wants to be perceived that way but just because you are naturally so well put together all the time. To my point, I think most of the mean comments are jealousy. That is all I can really think of. Don't really know you all that well but posts like this help me to get to know you better and help me to see that you are human too:)

PS Heidi says Trudy is just adorable. She says she is so animated and lights up around people. Next time you're up this way we should go to lunch so I can actually meet her.

Caitlin said...

I did the ol' band-aid method of taking my christmas stuff down. I really didn't want to do it. My little tree is still tucked under the dumpster with its cute twine bows. I wish I could get away with keeping it up all year round.

I convince myself my own friends hate me sometimes! I think at times I hyper focus on stuff. Like if for example a friend is less talkative to me or isn't wanting to hang out or something I am sure its because she no longer likes me. I also have no clue where it comes from. Sometimes I get myself really backed in to a corner and decide I'd just rather have no friends! If you figure it out let me know or blog about it (I'll do the same). I'm taking your suggestion to pray about it though.

sasha said...

you are so loved. so so loved. people do shitty things. what this person did to you was horrible, classless, and absolutely disrespectful. it definitely crossed the line.

and rest assured... sometimes i think i'm borderline psychotic. i wake up and think i have no friends, no one likes me, and i'm a failure at life. i know these thoughts are so toxic. but sometimes, i just can't control my mind. that's something i've been working really hard on lately...

anyway, you are so missed!

love you..

abby said...

i'm with sophie- thank you for sharing. we all feel this way or have felt this way once. i wish we could all be more open (myself included) so you're awesome for saying it out loud.

the internet is just plain weird and makes for too many weird interactions and too many chances for jealousy, comparison, mean words, the list goes on. i really hate the internet most days.

but i think you're great.

Courtney ~ French Country Cottage said...

Hope you are feeling better - and thanks for linking up at Feathered Nest Friday!

communikate. said...

Brittany-

I know you are not looking for compliments or warm fuzzies, but guess what you're going to get them anyhow! :)

I've been reading your blog for years now and have always secretly admired you. You are seriously so talented, fashionable, and funny! I remember your comment on pinterest about being flattered when I repined something of yours and I thought "whoa someone with her style and talent is flattered by me?" It was really nice of you to say that. (And that really probably made no sense.)

Anywho.. long story short.. Don't let the man get you down.

jenn said...

Hey Brittany,

First I just want to say that I love reading your blog! You have a fantastic sense of style and an adorable little family.

Second, I am sure we all feel this way at one time or another, and it really does suck. But among the haters (which I don't know why someone would hate you), just remember the friends that you have and the people in your life that are there for you and love you. Hope that helps girl!

Shawnee said...

I've been a reader for quite some time now.. just wanted to share that I think you're great! seriously adore your blog. Ignore the haters.. keep on blogging and being yourself:) there's no other way to be! xo

michael. mindy. dane. said...

okay. i read this on my ipod and i couldn't comment on it. i thought i'd do it later. i spaced it. your new post just reminded me.

britt! i freaking love you! okay. i know you didn't write this post to get comments like this, but i can't help it. we've never been real life friends, but i have always liked you. even at snow when i didn't know you? i was totally intimidated. probably why i never talked to you. that, and there probably never was the chance? anyway. i always thought you were so cute and i wished we were friends. when i first found your blog, i read every post you'd written. yours and grant's love story? i died. i seriously loved your blog and stalked it and it took me a while before i commented. intimidated. and i didn't even know you. and the more i've read your blog, the more i like you. i think you are such a good person. like, honestly genuine and sweet. i admire that. i'm not like that most of the time, and i admire people that are. there are so many things about you that i love and want to copy. fashion, house stuff, mom-ness, wife-ness...does that make sense? basically, i want to be you. ha. okay. that was creeper. but i really do look up to you. every time i ready your blog i think you are so great! anyway. okay. enough of me acting like i want to be your girlfriend or something. if this was jr. high, i'd write you a note and ask if you want to hang out and leave a check yes or no box. i'm thinking that because my lunch just ended and 40 7th graders just streamed into my room. i'm with them and turn into one. okay that was weird.

ANYWAY, just know i think you are great and awesome and i want to be just like you. then end of this ridiculous comment. sheesh!

michael. mindy. dane. said...

oh and ps, i will punch whoever wrote mean things in the face. tell me who it is and i'll take care of it. serious.

also, thanks for being honest. i feel the same way all the time. i think most people do. we're human. thanks for your honesty about it.

Katie Stratton said...

oh, i love what you did with the glitter letters! so so exciting to see how you made it your own!

beautiful!

xoxo