learned my lesson

so a couple weeks ago i went swimming with my girlfriends. when we were all done at the pool, i was tired and ready to go straight home. while driving home, i remembered that i needed to pick a few things up at the grocery store. i was still in my swimsuit and coverup (a seafoam green romper that just barely covers my bum). so i started debating about what to do in my head, i wanted to go home and put some more clothes on and then come out and run some errands, but i also did not want to go all the way home and then come out again. so i told myself to just stop at the store real quick... i convinced myself that it was totally fine because a lot of people outside of utah walk around wearing a lot less and i would just blend in. clearly i'm not very comfortable showing a lot of skin. a lot of that stems from my personal beliefs, how my parents raised me and where i grew up. 

so when i pulled into the albertson's parking lot (only store that carries blue bell ice cream), i saw that there was a marshall's next door. i decided to just run in there and see what they had. as i was thumbing through the blouses, i noticed a woman near me with two daughters. the youngest looked like she was about eight years old and the other looked like she was in junior high, probably 7th or 8th grade. because we were so close to each other, i could hear almost everything they were saying. when i understood what they were discussing, immediately my heart sank and i was wishing so badly i could run home and change. the mom and older daughter seemed like they were not getting along. i sensed a lot of tension. the mother held up a shirt to the daughter and said, "ya this might be okay, we will just have to see how low it is" then i heard the mother again, "what? what is wrong?" and the girl replied "nothing! i just have something in my eye"... while she was rubbing her eye. then they moved away and i was really trying not to look at them, i didn't want to make them feel more uncomfortable. i glanced over real quick and saw that the girl was crying now. i couldn't get in full sentences but i got the gist of it. yes i was totally eavesdropping. her mom said "listen the reason why is because you have no self esteem" "you need to understand that boys should not like girls for that reason" "i'm not going to let you.... " "i'm sorry you don't like me very much but i have to show you what is important" "you will thank me later, i promise". they kept on arguing and then i heard them talking about each woman that entered the store. "okay do you like that? because that isn't low" "that's not low" "that's cute, do you like that?". so the first reason i was embarrassed was because even though i'm still searching for the right niche in wardrobe styling for me... i'm still a walking billboard for my chosen "career". it's not like i could walk up and say "hey, i'm a wardrobe stylist and i know i could help your daughter find trendy styles while still achieving modesty". no. i mean i'm sure they both would have looked at me like "your a what?" my clothes were just not communicating anything about who i am and what i'm about. what made it worse was not just that i wasn't in a pulled together and polished outfit, but my romper really was short. which i feel fine wearing to the beach but not to go shopping. i was next to them in the aisles forever and i know that they noticed me. especially since they were discussing everyone's clothes around them. 

it might seem silly to others but to me... this was a situation that would not stop bothering me (hence me blogging about it). in a weird way i felt so connected to them. i think that was mostly due to the fact that my own mom did the exact same thing with me when i was about that age. i wanted so badly to tell the girl that her mom was right! and she probably will thank her later! and most of all i wanted to tell her that you can feel good about yourself without having to show off your body. once i just got over the fact that i wasn't going to say anything to them (i wanted to soooooooooooooooooooooo bad), i felt such a strong  amount of love (you can think i'm weird, it's fine) for the mother. it was so refreshing to see a mom try to teach her sweet daughter what's important and what isn't. when i was her age i think i thought my mom was just dumb and didn't know anything about what was cool. thank the heavens for mom's who go through that phase where they are trying to teach important lessons to teenage girls who basically hate them and want nothing to do with them. and it's all just because those mommies love them so much. 

i learned a lesson that day. i learned that for me, i want my clothes to communicate a lot about who i am NOW MATTER where i am. the end.